Laguna Beach

I never mentioned that Perry lives ocean front in the middle of Laguna Beach.  I guess I have now.  Epic view.  Camped out on 101 at the top of his driveway and the following morning I got up early and drove to Newport Beach to see if there was a log wave.  No bones, but I skated around the ocean front and perused all the shops.  There were these models in some tiny little thongs riding beach cruisers down the "boardwalk" for a photo shoot.  This older gentleman decided to take advantage of the situation and snap a couple photos for himself with his cell phone.  A bouncer for the photo shoot told him he couldn't take photos and then proceeded to ask the guy what he was going to use the photos for, the response "What do you think I'm gonna to use em for?" incited quite a lot of laughter from the spectators.  Welcome to California!  I cruised back to Laguna Beach and met Perry's girl Raven, we checked a beach access which I cannot remember the name of... but apparently they dug out a channel in the sand from the canal to the ocean to craft a standing-wave-esque break which was pretty fun to watch!  Happy hour started at 3:00PM with some under-poured margaritas and calamari tacos!  Zack met us and we walked to a 7-11 to pick up some Modelo tall boys.  Took a trolley to downtown for Hospitality Night and drank our tall boys with a million dollar view.  Arrived early to "The Cliff" (an outdoor bar with a bunch of shops around it) The arrival, however, lined us up pretty rad seating with a fire pit in the center for the live music. 

Now... the story of the roadtrip begins.  I will do my best to write it in all it's grandeur, and explain how Evan had his world rocked.

I didn't want to get too many drinks too early so I was taking it easy breathing in the salt air and relaxing next to the fire pit.  I decided that I had a brilliant time in SoCal and I wanted a memento to remember it by, so I got up to peruse some of the shops.  The first was a plethora of hand-made jewelry all of which was just outside of the budget.  So I moved on; as I was leaving the shop owner told me if I wanted anything cheaper, just come back and ask.  With this in mind I walked into a fine jewelry store which I was sure would be well outside my price range, but what the hell!  The clerk was super friendly and answered all my questions about the stones.  While in conversation my eye caught this beautiful crystal of purple and green.  I inquired thinking it would be atleast one hundred dollars, her answer was thirty, I asked if she could do twenty-five.  She agreed and it was sold.  She told me that there were longer chains if I was interested, but I passed and walked out of the shop quite content!  I put the necklace on, already feeling its "energies".  However, I had forgotten the name of the stone!  So I went back in to ask for the name, and also see if the chain looked like an alright length.  "Amethyst and Emerald Fluorite, here take this!" she then proceeded to give me the extra chain, on the house.  This is when the story gets a little wonky.  Another gentleman was inside and he looked at me and asked in a ghetto-beach-boy tone: "Yo, how do I get hair like yours?!" I was a little caught off guard so I just shrugged and said "I don't know, I joined the no-poo-nation a couple months back." (In reference to the dirt-bag lifestyle of not using shampoo when I shower.)  He looked at me incredulously, "Did you just say "no-poon-nation"?  Who are you kidding, bro, you've got to be slaying it!" Once again, I fumbled over words; who was this guy?  He then introduced himself to me as "Dirty.  Dirty D.  D for Donovan." He showed me his Gucci shoes, his Versache socks, and his Louie Vuitton belt.  Dapper Donovan was probably wearing over 1500$ in clothing including a matching coral fanny pack and fishing cap.  He then asked me if I wanted a shot.... Uhhhh yeah?  So we walked over to the bar and ran into Perry and Zack.  Perry inquired "Making friends already Evan?" So I went through the introductions and Dirty D turns around to shout at the bartender, who is standing 3 feet away.  "FOUR SHOTS FOR THE BOYS! MAKE IT JAMESON!" and he throws 40$ on the bar.  The bartender looks up and says "fifty-two".  "FIFTY-TWO?!..... I FUCKING LOVE IT!" and he throws down another Andrew Jackson.  The bartender pushed four triple shots around the corner and Dirty D passes them around.  Perry and Zack knock theirs back, its a really rough shot... two full swallows minimum... I felt like I was drowning in liquor.  I am sure Donovan would agree with this statement considering he choked mid-shot and spewed his Jameson, quite literally, halfway across the bar.  We were all dumbfounded.  He was in a coughing fit with liquor all over his shirt playing the tough guy act all the while.  He daps up all the "boys" and walks out of the bar, never to be seen again.  Everyone's jaws are on the floor... what just happened?  We all bust out laughing because it's the most ridiculous scenario that has ever played out.  On my way out I noticed a pair of girls sitting at the end of the bar drinking moscow mules and laughing so hard that I just had to introduce myself and try to wrap my head around the event that we all just witnessed.  Megan and Mackenzie were two pretty rad chicks.  Twins, in fact, which threw me for quite the loop during the introductions.  After telling them the rough story about the meeting of "The Dirty D" I walked back to the table we had on reserve and settled in for some live music.  Zack was checking out Megan and he said "Damn."  I returned, "No. The one in red, dude." Turns out Perry knows the both of them through a fellow Pro-Skimboarder named Ryan.  Just before the squad rolled out, Mackenzie said quite sheepishly that she was going to smoke a cigarette and asked if I wanted to join.  The shopping center was a no-smoking area so we walked just outside the fence and waited for the rest of the crew.  This is when it came up that I was only in town for a night and I was headed south to San Diego the next morning, we talked about the road-trip briefly and when the group was ready to leave we started walking towards the galleries and crowds.  Mackenzie decided she was going to give me a tour of Laguna, so we dipped into multiple galleries to look at some art.  At this point she had no idea that I am absolutely in love with art, which made me smile.  We stopped here and there, pet some puppies, played with these interesting little flying toys, and then got a call from Megan wondering where we had disappeared to.  We made our way to the bar and walked in to  a couple of coffee shots. Mackenzie is a manager at a gelato shop right next door, so we went in and she put on an apron to scoop some gelato.... we were kindly shuffled out of the shop due to an obvious innebriation... but we got a free cone of pistachio! We then proceeded to a dance bar and funked our tails off for a couple of hours.  I had a not-so-cordial encounter with Mackenzie's ex-boyfriend. He called my jacket gay and my moustache lame.  Then I showed him that my jacket was reversible and he stepped down. I mean... how can a 40 year old reversible jacket be gay? Mackenzie and I went for a walk on the beach at 2:30 in the morning. Her house was having the floors renovated so she was staying in a hotel. A hotel which had a jacuzzi.  A jacuzzi which "technically" closes at 10:00 PM. You could still see the steam rolling off of it though, so they were obviously keeping it warm for some reason.  We hopped the fence, stripped to the skivvies, and went for a dip. About an hour later some rabble-rousers started messin' around telling us the pool was closed. So we ordered an Uber back to the Cruiser, collected our belongings, and hopped the fence again. Just as I was cresting the fence, an older lady in a security guard uniform rounded the corner. Dripping wet we told her that my flip flops and shirt had been stolen by these aforementioned rabble-rousers and that she should keep an eye out for those pesky punks. Just as she was beginning to reprimand us our Uber driver, David, rolled up! We bade our farewells to the frazzled security guard and thanked our get-away driver. He dropped us off at the Land Cruiser, and I gave Mackenzie a little tour of the whip.  We looked at my art and talked about life until the wee hours of the morning. Got a couple hours of shuteye and woke up to drop Mackenzie off for work at the gelato shop.  I then drove to San Diego. Unreal. Literally, I cannot fathom how any of this whole night actually happened. I believe the most unreal part of the story is that it isn't over. Stay tuned, fools.