Create. Focus. Hone.

So here is the deal:

I have been personally disappointed in my pursuit of meaningful engagement in the not so distant past. This has changed rather dramatically, and in a rather short period of time.

I think at it’s core this was an issue of interfacing with my surroundings in an unsustainable manner. If you are so inclined, you can read about this a bit more in depth within my synopsis of the year two thousand and nineteen. I found myself in a deeply introspective mood in the weeks leading up to the conclusion of this past decade. During this introspection I was reading my journal entries and finding that they were mostly negative or unfulfilled. I was repeatedly writing about the fact that I had fallen short of my original intention or goal. This was frustrating to say the least and down right depressing when also considering the lofty ambitions I had started graduate school with. Suppose I could just wallow… but where’s the meaningful engagement in that? Why would I waste this precious and fleeting time that I have feeling negatively about my pursuit. Time for a little bit of a mix-up. After all… life is suffering; and a healthy masochism, I have found, is the key.

I feel that I am currently in a phase of re-discovering what it means to be Evan Lawrence Willis. Re-discovering what it means to have integrity. To do what I say; to exert my will upon my surroundings. What does this re-discovery entail, you might ask? Or maybe you didn’t ask that because you don’t really care… that’s perfectly fine. In fact… the idea that nobody really cares what it is that I’m up to is a bit appealing. My friend Ryan loves to say “live and let live” and I respect that deeply. I do find, however, that I have a voracious curiosity about how people choose to allocate their own resources. If you’re of a like mind - then read on and I’ll do my best to explain how I’ve been trying to frame and participate in a lifestyle that contains and promotes all the things I’ve ever dreamed of accomplishing.

I wrote a paper during my undergraduate titled "‘Life is Suffering. Masochism is the Key.” This was a critical analysis of a book called “The Sorrows of Young Werther” by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. A story of a man so in tune with his surroundings that he would break down and weep at the profundity of it all. A man who truly felt what it was to be alive. So keenly, in fact, that he ended his own life at the pain of existence. My analysis defended his actions. This is not to say I would like to follow in his footsteps. More to say that I understand and regard his ability to sense in the highest esteem. What I mean by ‘masochism being the key’ is that an appreciation of the trials and tribulations - an appreciation of the process of living - leads one to the path of contented existence.

In my opinion it is a simple fact that life is suffering. I believe that those who suffer "best” will become more fit within the surroundings they wish participate in. The dishes you don’t want to wash. The meal you’ve grown tired of eating. The cold shower you cringe at taking. These are all little tid-bits of suffering. We all manage suffer through life in our own way. The active decision to participate in a certain flavor of suffering is the way in which we better ourselves; the way in which we exert free-will. You cannot escape suffering. Freedom from suffering is attained only when ones path has come to an end - death. Let us not concern ourselves with the possibilities postmortem. Let us instead concern ourselves with coping and enduring.

Anyhow. This is my logic. Cold, hard, and uncaring logic. There’s so much more to life than logic though. It’s just a concise reference; to be used as an analytical tool. So this is where sensation and intuition steps in!

I spent my time over the holidays developing for myself a mantra. A means for ensuring that I am engaging in the ‘proper’ types of suffering. A way in which to be an active participant in the trajetory of my life.

Create. Focus. Hone.

A mantra is designed to be repeated. I began repeating these three words at the start of this decade and it has been a boon to my psyche and to my approach. It is not simply the words, but what I have nested within these three words that provide them with their gravity. Contained within each is a means by which I will accomplish them.

Create. Imagine. Craft. Document.

Focus. Meditate. Plan. Execute.

Hone. Mind. Body. Spirit.

I have experienced no greater pleasure in life than the sensation of bringing something new into existence. Exerting my will and prowess for the purpose of creating order from chaos. Resources allocated. Object wrought. Taking a step back to feel pride in the synthesis of something from nothing. A jumble of acrylics becoming something more. A block of wood alongside a dull and abused hunk of steel becoming something more. This, in my mind, is the most incredible feat; one known only to humanity. The act of perceiving what could be, and is not. The conviction required to will it into being.

First, I must imagine what is not. Then, I must craft what is not so that it is no longer not. Finally, I will document it’s inception for future reference. This is what will allow me to create in a reliable and reproducible manner.

It does not end here. How can I increase the profundity of the thing? How can I ensure its continuity and originality? This is where focus makes its entry into the mantra. Meditation - time spent thinking of what it is that I have wrought and what it is that has yet to become. Plans to help guide the process of creation -devised during times of pure and clear thought. Finally - execution of these plans. For it is the height of folly to devise plans upon plans without their implementation.

There’s still an element missing. Why bother with all of this? What’s the point? Where does the purpose lie in focusing on creation? I think it is in the act of creating with intention that one can hone their capabilities - such that the magnitude and impact of their focused creation can increase without bound. What is being honed? The ever cliche “mind, body, and spirit” of course. This is pretty straight-forward. My actively engaging in all prior I will, in a circuitous manner, be bettering each of these aspects. If I cannot tie the creation of something to one of these three things - it is not a valid. It is not worth the cost in resources. It should not be.

So this is the radical change that I have made. I spent long hours devising this approach because I found in through reading my daily journal that I needed to create something to focus on such that I could hone my approach.

What does this look like in practice? Well… one example is that I’ve created the habit of going to hot yoga, during which I get to focus on my vessel, such that I leave a more well honed individual in mind, body, and spirit.

The case study. The first real attempt at implementing this mantra can be found in a project that has been wanting to become real for longer than I can remember. Perhaps early teens? A decade in the making?

This is the axe that I have brought into this realm recently. Seemingly mundane. A living embodiment of what this mantra can help me to achieve. A seven foot board of kiln-dried white oak, a 30$ antique double-bit axe-head found at the flea market, and my will to create, focus, and hone. The axe that will help me to continue to implement my mantra. For I have imagined, crafted, documented, meditated, planned, and executed. The weekend spent on my land (more on this) using my focused creation has helped to hone my mind, my body, and my spirit. I am as proud of this axe and its implementation as I am of my bachelors degree in chemistry and my circumnavigation of the United States. This has in no way satiated my appetite to leave a mark on the world. It has only added to the hunger I have for participating in a meaningful existence.

All this to say that I have felt more empowered recently than ever before.

Keep on crankin’ in the free world, my friends.